24th December 2009
Photo with 31 notes
Canta Clause - International Traveler
Why He’s Not Hot:
- So this fatass goes down people’s chimneys (regardless of size) and gives them presents. This is a nice thought and all, but holy shit there’s a fat man uninvited in your fucking house. It’s creepier than Edward Cullen.
- Why should I give this faggat the last of my choco-chip cookies? As if he isn’t sphere-like enough, I have to give him perfectly good cookies to a nigga that I AIN’T EVEN NEVA MET. Don’t even get a thank you or nothing, FUCK U SANTA, FUCK U.
- I firmly believe we need to get someone into the north pole to free the elves. We cannot let this elvery go on any longer. Santa makes these little elves work their asses off 24/7 all year. I mean atleast in Korea they get paid a penny and don’t have to wear hats made for the most flamboyant of the homesexuals.
- Paging Chris Hansen… Why isn’t anyone getting in on this shit. He is watching your children while they sleep. He knows when they’re awake too. So if Brian Peppers put on a red suit and a fake beard… well, touch away Brian~ touch away.
- If you’ve heard the song, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause” wouldn’t this make you believe that Santa is cheating on Mrs. Clause? And that your mom is a whore? Come on now. And damn your mother must be beat.
- I don’t know who told him that he looked good in red, but it works because cherries are better lifesize anyway.
- Santa Clause must be on some dank ass drugs if he is crazy enough to go around the fucking world giving gifts to people.
- Why did he never specify what qualifies as naughty~? Just want to make sure I can spit in my brother’s iced tea and still get barbie playhouse mansion.
- YOU FORGOT FAT.
23rd December 2009
Photo with 124 notes
Pete Wentz - Fall Out Fag
Why They’re Not Hot:
- Well well well, if it isn’t the puppet master of the sif society. Mr. Pete Wentz himself, selling overpriced hoodies to pot-bellied tweens everywhere. Thanks.
- Good news pete fans! He’s set to appear as a guest star on TLC’s reality series ‘Little People Big World’. You can watch this bass playing dwarf and eat all the donuts you want in the comfort of your own home.
- It seems all band mates look like animals these days. Pete Wentz himself is a monkey. One time I attended a Fall Out Boy concert. I couldn’t enjoy it because I was wondering the whole time why the fuck security wouldn’t get the monkey off the stage. I MEAN WTF, THERE WAS A MONKEY, ON THE STAGE.
- Pete, you’re just another notch in Ashlee’s bedpost. You guys have a son named Bronx. Ashlee’s plan all along was to have kids named after each of the 5 boroughs in NY with 5 different bass playing dwarfs. Reality check, Pete.
- He is a fucking dwarf.
- His hair looks greasy twenty-four seven. Even primates needs showers too.
- We’ve all seen his dick, and we are not impressed. I don’t think his dick is even capable of insertion. It just chills on the labia like what the fuck is up.
- Sweet receding hairline, bro.
- It’s just so easy.
23rd December 2009
Photo with 89 notes
Molex Deleon - The Taxi Cab
Why He’s Not Hot:
- His hair is a wild beast. Although we all love The Lion King, this is a little bit too much.
- You can stop trying to wipe that piece of dirt off your computer screen now, it’s attached to his face in real life. Sorry about your frustration.
- If you like his band, you may also be interested in: N’SYNC, The Backstreet Boys, a trainwreck, and the cries of a lonely homosexual.
- So easy a caveman could do him, but his dick isn’t long enough for autofellatio anyway.
- Never heard better words to describe him in entirety.
- Ever wonder why his band is called The Cab? Attend AP tour this year, you’ll have 777-7777 on speed dial.
- “‘Hey Alex? It’s Demi. My mommy can’t give me a ride tonight. I remember you saying something about candy, can you come get me in your rickety van?”
- Try and love him. We dare you.
20th December 2009
Photo with 414 notes
Trace Cyrus - Metro Station
- One word: Neighhh. This “man” seems to have the genes of a horse with that long face, and flowing mane of his that could battle the chunks of hair I pulled out of the drain last night in terms of tameness.
- Wait… so how old is this fucker again? Oh that’s right, 20. And yet, for some reason, he has already pretty much covered his body in the tackiest tattoos we’ve ever seen. Lulz, what’s that on your knuckles you fugly horse? Stay gold? Classy and original. I see how it is.
- While we’re on the topic of body modification, Jesus Mary mother of Christ, what in hell is on his face? Maybe instead of putting holes in it, he should invest in a paper bag to put over his head so we no longer have to stare at his pathetic excuse for a face.
- He is the half brother to Miley Cyrus. This automatically puts him in the lower range of life.
- He tries to rock his skinny leg jeans with his scarily thin legs but in reality he just looks like a freak. Doesn’t have much of a bulge either, which means he either a) tucks that shit or b) has a small penis. So much for having a horse dick. What a let down.
- His body is just so skinny and frail looking. He has the body of an extremely flat chested woman. Or he is Skeletor.
- He dated Hanna Meth and is there invalid.
- Please don’t even get us started on his “music”.
- Ride on sweet pony. Ride on.